The SuperWoman Chronicles

The CrazyBlackWoman Gene, CBW-X

February fifteenth, 2010. Ten thirty.

I’m sure that by now most people understand that much of how we look or function as individual human beings is inherited. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes, tightly wound structures of DNA and protein, on which our inherited genes can be found.

Of the 23 pairs, 22 of these are identical, whilst the last pair, the sex chromosomes, determine whether the person is biologically male (XY) or female (XX). Whilst innumerable genes can be found on the 22 pairs, some genes are only found on either the X chromosome or the Y chromosome. This is called sex-linked inheritance and is more complicated than I care to even attempt to recall or explain.

However, through observation and rigorous research (not), I have come to hypothesise that there must exist on the female X chromosome a gene I will coin as CBW-X, CrazyBlackWoman.

So how do you know if you’ve inherited the CBW-X gene? Well, from a series of scientific examinations, we have managed to deduce the following criteria for CBW-X. Do you:

- Identify yourself as a black person?
- Describe yourself as a female/woman?

If your answer is ‘yes’ to both questions above (Group A), then unfortunately, you have fully inherited the gene. If you have answered ‘no’ to only one of the questions (Group B), you are a carrier for the gene and are still likely to express the characteristics of the gene (which I will explain below) in a suitable environment.

If you have answered ‘no’ to both questions (Group C), it is not all plain sailing, I’m afraid. Although you may never express the gene characteristics, you are 100% more likely to trigger the gene expression in Group A and Group B’s, and therefore suffer the repercussions of such provocation.

Identifying traits of the CBW gene can sometimes be very complicated and at other times incredibly simple. Most Group A sufferers usually have a calm, collected, mature and responsible demeanour in most situations, and although they are susceptible to the usual human emotions, they are generally described as quite stable and rational. That is, of course, unless someone extraordinarily vexes them – that someone, usually being a man.

Upon this vexation, the behaviour of Group A sufferers becomes wholly unpredictable and irrational. A Group A sufferer may act like she is not angry or upset, but may:

- Quietly or loudly curse you to herself, her friends or to anyone who will listen
- Delete your number/Facebook friendship/Twitter following/BB pin
- Call you crying or screaming and may be unwilling to listen to reason
- Refuse to smile, hug or look at you
- Begin praying ‘Back to sender’ prayers for your deliverance, though she may not be religious
- Scratch or smash windows of your car, similar to the Jazmine Sullivan song
- Be rude or offensive to specific people associated with you, i.e. other females
- Become unusually acquainted with your friends
- Stalk you or call your phone every five minutes
- Start sending you numerous thoughtful gifts
- Write you a long letter or email
- Start throwing things around or one random day she may pack up her things and drive away. Or she may not pack anything but just drive away and you won’t see her for days.
- Ask to meet up with you hoping that things may get out of hand, and then will call you in a few months’ time to give you good news of impending parenthood
- Take her hand to prose or art, and draw various images of you, or write poems, songs or blogs about you.

(This list is not exhaustive)

The above relates to Group As that do not initially express their anger or upset. Group Cs may do something they know is stupid or thoughtless, and may be surprised at how ‘cool’ she is. Group B female carriers may show signs of Group A symptoms but are less intense and are more repentant.

The Group As that are comfortable articulating their exasperation, are much more volatile in these situations, but are less dangerous than their introverted Group A counterparts, who are more inventive and secretly plot your downfall, or intermittently act on impulse.

Group B carriers who are male are less likely to exhibit the traits of the gene, but are more likely to have Group A daughters or mothers. Group Cs, as described above, often endure the secondary effect of the CBW-X gene, similar to passive smoking, for example, except they are usually the cause for the CBW behaviour. (Group C behaviour causing the expression of CBW-X includes, but is not limited to, thoughtlessness, irresponsibility, betrayal, carelessness, adultery, manipulation, cruelty, bullying, fear of commitment, etc.)

Longitudinal research has shown that the prognosis is not always bleak – all is not lost for Group A and B sufferers. CBW behaviour does not occur all the time, rather, it is the rare occurrence of the behaviour that makes it so distinctive. An episode of CBW may only ever happen once in a sufferer’s lifetime. It is also not usually a chronic condition and lasts between a few seconds to a few days. Where a single episode of the behaviour is prolonged, it is usually due to a comorbidity with other personality traits, e.g. pride, short-temper, insecurity.

Also, it has been observed that, once a Group A or B sufferer has identified their CBW status, they can go on to live happy, fulfilled, well-adjusted lives if they continue to assess extremely stressful situations logically, and think carefully about their actions before they do them. It also helps if Group As and Bs try to control their emotions, rather than allow their emotions to control them, and approach the situation responsibly and maturely.

Sometimes, taking advice from other frequent Group A sufferers isn’t the best idea, but it can be noted that, whilst this myriad of behaviours may be seen as ‘crazy’ by the majority of Group Cs, Group A sufferers, especially the extroverted ones, often live an open and honest life, though it might be riddled with regret. If a Group A sufferer is able to counteract the pressures of the CBW gene when provoked by the irresponsible behaviour of Group Cs, then no one need ever know the initial diagnosis.

So, obviously this article is very much in jest, and is inevitably infested with scientific inaccuracies. Also, no racial offence is intended – I speak only from my own personal experience as a black woman who has admittedly been crazy at times. The gene may exist in other races, as indicated by the Group B females, and may even hold a distinct set of characteristics, however time and funding constraints do not allow such cross-cultural research (!)

My word to fellow Group As is:

I’m an introverted, undercover Group A. My pride prevents me from displaying CBW traits on most occasions that warrant them, however, once in a while, e.g. in the past 3-4 days, I unleash my crazy. I allow a male’s behaviour to disturb my otherwise nonchalant, carefree nature. In my case, it usually results in me mentally and physically excavating his presence from my life, which sometimes doesn’t last long, and other times is permanent, and most times I end up regretting my reactions. What tends to trigger this behaviour is a man’s indecisiveness, diminishing integrity, or what I perceive to be, him undermining my value.

Otherwise, I’m quite a cool person, taking most things on the chin. Ladies, if you are a Group A, like me, evaluate the effect of your actions before you act. It is okay to be upset or angry, but, especially if you are a Christian, there is no reason why you should negate your compassionate, reasonable and moral principles because of a man, or anyone else for that matter. If you feel you need to talk, give yourself some space first, to cool down. Unless it is absolutely necessary, e.g. the man in question is your partner, you don’t have to always explain to him that you will speak to him later about your upset. It’s also not about appearing a ‘strong woman’ either, because strong women often experience pain like no other, because they deal with it inwardly and on their lonesome, and therefore, regularly break down behind closed doors. That kind of burden is unnecessary. If you are upset, that is fine, but take it as an opportunity to look at the reasons for your upset – it may be that it has nothing to do with him, but highlights an inadequacy in you that you can then begin to change.

To the men, or the Group Cs:

You have probably experienced a girl go ‘crazy’ on you, and if you have, it is most likely your fault. I do not endorse crazy behaviour, not at all, but I do believe that responsibility on both parts needs to be taken. Have you led her on? Have you lied to, demeaned or embarrassed her? Have you offended her? Have you physically abused her, disappointed her, compromised your integrity? Have you belittled her, patronised her or made her anxious?

Look into your behaviour, discuss and make amendments where necessary. The worst thing you can do is dismiss and ignore her. It is possible such actions will only prolong an episode of CBW behaviour.

Where you can, try to be patient with her and be understanding. If you have genuinely apologised and you sincerely feel you have done your best to appease the situation, and she is refusing to repent from her CBW ways, my only message to you is, I’m sorry, and we’ll try to do better next time.

Je t’embrasse, x